You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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