Im at strip club and am horny
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
