I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
