Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
