She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
