You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's official drugs can't kill me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My life is pants optional.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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