you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize