last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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