I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
