We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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