pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
