those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You pole danced in your parka.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
