he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
