Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
