Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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