Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I believe in your delicious
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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