no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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