so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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