he puts the penis in happiness.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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