weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
