I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
