Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
