Betty ford says i'm here all night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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