if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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