what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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