Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
