Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
