Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
