3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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