she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
