we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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