Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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