thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
