the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
