so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
