Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
