Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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