it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
