theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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