is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
