u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's blow job season.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
