last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it's like heaven, but drunker
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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