if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
