What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
