i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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