i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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