How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
