i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
