I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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