He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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