I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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