I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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