CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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