I'm lost and stupid without you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
