You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
