hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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