Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
