watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
