do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
