Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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