Your favorite bartender is back from prision
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize