I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My penis needs a shock collar
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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