4 words: hood of his car
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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