god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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