Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
